Being a mother is to pass from heaven to hell and hell to heaven a thousand times in a single day where 
And or already had the easy part, what I sensed and for which I prepared, now I will tell the hard part, the part that did not and for which I did not prepare . Nobody tells us, or at least nobody told me, with the emphasis necessary, redifícil breastfeeding is not only because it can be excruciating and exhausting, but also because it is plunged into a level of dependence do not know if a modern new mother is willing to surrender.
When asked if he would give birth at home, answered without hesitation: yes. The Midwives say it is because one forgets how hard it was, that's the only way to do it again. Maybe I forgot how hard the birth, which I have not been able to forget the suffering I experienced every 3 hours when feeding was Theo. Childbirth is something that begins and ends. Breastfeeding is invariably every 2 or 3 hours. Agony is repeated 10 to 12 times a day x 2, for each breast is a separate agony.
After a successful delivery at home, where I did not need any anesthetic, where Theo was born clean and awake to the hand of his family and straight to the chest from stuck without any problem, it is natural that their only food for the next 6 months was my milk, that's what I always dreamed. Theo had no problem with grip and I had no physical problems such as: inverted nipple. He and I seemed we could do very well. But life always makes a problem where you never thought to find and it's true: "Everything has a science" to the breast that seems as natural in the world, or at least so I thought.
Our first 4 days we spent day and night glued. The midwife told me: "That helps you lower milk. "Theo and I were skin to skin. Do not slept for the poor if it took off from the breast crying in a way that left us perfectly clear what kind of character you were born with: it does not yield. So that gave me and I was walking until dawn rocking glued to the boob. On the fourth day, absolutely sleepwalking, hearing voices at the lack of sleep the Midwife told me: "In 4 days Theo has lost 30% of its weight, I'm sorry but you have to give formula. "
Only a mother to have been told the same thing can understand what I felt. Never in my life I felt so deeply sad, weak and vulnerable as that day. It was as if they launched a nuclear bomb inside me and had finished everything. Devastated. I tried to tell my mom: "Well, you have to buy baby bottles because ...."
And I could not talk anymore. After a while all I could say was: "My poor baby has been 4 days without eating and I did not realize."
From that moment I began to prepare for breastfeeding. A month later, as I had enough energy, I bought an electric pump and started taking everything that could help produce milk. I must say that nothing is more effective than enough to eat 3 or 4 times a day and be quiet together with the family. I decided to go back to my original plan: Breastfeeding Exclusive. I did not succeed completely because of lack of confidence in myself, but by 5 months following formula Theo took only every 12 or 24 hours.
Today, 9 months later, I still to breastfeed every 3 or 4 hours and I wonder when I will. Ceased to be an agony to be our space to sing, make us grimace and fall asleep. It is also sometimes the reason for returning to his side not to exploit fast on the road by the pressure of the milk. Sometimes I feel bound to him no chance to live, sometimes I'm happy to feed him, others feel that I am more than food and when he says "mommy" is because they are hungry, sometimes I'm dying of love that we are so close. The word "Unit," which never meant anything to me in my single life now is almost the most important of my life. I can feel in their bones how any decision I make can affect your life. He did not have prepared me for nursing not only endangered, but he put a painful night for having to swallow something too heavy for her new body. Now that is becoming a "man", who yells at me to let go and not protect him from falling when you try to stand alone, I realize that although I want to leave, study, joining the outside, my "now" is feed well and be there, ready and prepared to when I look tired and want my chest. So what really matters is will give my heart and make you laugh while you eat till you drop.
